Stratman Partners’ Writings

Most leaders are frequently tempted to assert control over all aspects of life. It’s human. We want to defend against our own vulnerability in a world largely out of our control. Of course, we aren’t completely powerless. We do control how we react to our environment, i.e. the current pandemic, people’s reactions to us, etc. We can decide to react thoughtfully to the many uncontrollable events that come our way.

But, for most of us, this isn’t easy. The need for control is almost instinctual, rooted in primitive needs for safety. Further, indulging the fallacy that we can (or should) control life is dangerous. True safety, if there is such a thing, comes from accepting that life is more of a crap shoot than an algorithm.

Take a moment to consider your life. What percentage of your life is really under your control? I have no statistic to quote but qualitatively, on a macro-level, the answer is very little. We can engage in good habits, treat others respectfully, follow our values, and create well-considered, intelligent plans. However, the world (people, places, and things) will do whatever it wants. Consider this quote from Eisenhower:

“In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.”

And this one by former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson:

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

Lots of businesses are getting “punched in the mouth” right now. The Covid-19 crisis has created a degree of uncertainty most of us have never experienced. Continuous, comprehensive uncertainty is stressful; it demands that we abandon any notion that we can control events through sheer power of will. The game is really about being adaptive and responding with agility and creativity.

Being adaptive, especially under pressure, requires you to be in touch with yourself and the world around you. This situational awareness helps you avoid impulsive reactions and judgements that arise from uncomfortable feelings (fear, anxiety, anger, frustration). It’s human to dislike these feelings and impulsively react to quell (control) them. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and often makes matters worse. Consider the damage done by micromanagement and sending that toxic e-mail.

The old adage “just roll with it” actually makes sense. It doesn’t imply letting life “roll over you”; rather, it challenges you to accept and adapt to REALITY. Nothing is more powerful than fully accepting life on life’s terms. This is what people mean when they say “just deal with it!”

How can you prepare yourself—practically—to lead in this unpredictable world? Each morning, take a moment to review your calendar. Consider the day’s potentially challenging meetings and/or interactions. What curveballs or brutal facts might you face and what possible opportunities can you expect? How do you intend to stay focused on what matters most regardless of the pressures of the moment?

Now, “run the movie” in your head. Are you being controlling or adaptive? Are you remaining calm and composed? Are you pausing when tensions are high? Are you asking thoughtful questions rather than making reactive declarations? Are your followers experiencing a balanced leader whose feet are on the ground?

Control in this respect comes from demonstrating Detached Calm–regardless of what the world throws at you. Detached Calm allows you to separate yourself from situational emotions and keep a cool head, especially when the “bullets are flying.” Leaders who are unable or unwilling to restrain these toxic impulses often react their way out of a job.

It pays to remember these simple truths:

• You are not in control of everything in life. If you think you are you are (or should be) you are deluding yourself and heading for trouble. You only control how you react to life.
• Being in touch with your emotional state as you begin each day allows you to react to challenging situations with Detached Calm rather than impulsively.
• Planning is essential not because things will go as planned but because planning improves your ability to adapt effectively when they don’t.
• Judging, micromanaging, sarcasm, being dismissive, and other nasty reactions are signs that you not dealing with REALITY. These attempts to assert control over life and quell your insecurities only makes matters worse.

Finally, given these difficult times, I want to close with some words from Thomas Paine:

“THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.”

   Great leaders are trusted, really trusted. This sounds almost cliché but in today’s world, trust can be elusive. Trust is like a two-sided coin. On one side is character trust. This trust is about your perceived ethics, morals, and values. You don’t lie, spin, undermine, steal, cheat — the real bad stuff. On the other side of the coin is competency trust. You are considered capable at your craft; you know your stuff.

You can have character trust and still lack competency trust. In other words, people may consider you a good person but lack faith in your abilities. That is bad. Of course, if you are considered insincere, untruthful, or manipulative that is worse. Leaders lacking character trust can’t build a sustainable followership.

Consider a theoretical Leadership Trust Score ranging from one to ten. A leader should be concerned about any score lower than ten. Think about it, anything less than ten means that people trust you “mostly” or “kind of” or “let me think about it”.

To grow and sustain deep trust you need to focus on three dimensions: authenticity, empathy, and logic.  All three all must be “tens” to achieve Leadership Trust.

Authenticity: Never be anyone but your true self. That is always good enough. Anything less creates a feeling of distance — an artificial intimacy — that most people can smoke out eventually (if not immediately). Most of us like to think we are authentic all of the time. However, if we are honest with ourselves, we will likely remember times when we weren’t. It’s human. We were hiding something — a feeling, insecurity, a resentment, something.

Empathy: I’ve spoken about empathy recently, especially in light of the current pandemic. However, regardless of the environment, empathy always matters. People want to know you care about them. They want to feel valued. If you ignore this human need by embracing an “all business” posture, people will feel used and marginalized. They will perceive it’s “all about you”. They will feel like a means to your end.

You can show a lack of empathy consciously or unconsciously. It can be intentional or unintentional. In either case, it has a devastating impact. Remember to ask people how they are doing. Ask how their spouse and kids are doing. Apologize when you are wrong. Follow the Golden Rule.

Here is what Col. Eric G. Kail, who served at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, said about empathy:

People decide just how much they will allow you to lead them. Sure, if you are in charge, people will most likely do as you say. But how well they carry out your commands and for how long is their decision, not yours.

Logic

You didn’t get where you are without demonstrating smarts both intellectually and emotionally. From a leadership perspective, “Smarts” is manifested in how you conduct yourself and the decisions you make. Do you demonstrate sound judgement, free of biases and prejudices? Are you rational and composed, especially under pressure? Do you know what you know… and what you don’t know?

Communication plays a big role here. You may have a solid argument, grounded in facts, but appear illogical or confused due to poor communications. Make sure you communicate effectively, which implies simply, clearly, and concisely. Also, never forget that a large part of communication is asking questions and listening. I don’t know any C-level executive who can’t improve communications. It is a constant work-in-progress.

Putting it all together: You need to monitor and grow your authenticity, empathy, and logic continually. Never take your followers’ trust for granted. Like a stool with three legs, if one of these three dimensions is “loose”, the chair wobbles. Accept that circumstances like today’s pandemic put significant pressure on your “Trust Score”. Necessary but painful decisions create anxiety, angst, and resentment. The only antidote is to embrace Trust as your MOST IMPORTANT ASSET. Without it, almost nothing is possible. With it, almost anything can be achieved.